Mania part 34

or 36

Down at 10 up at 1:30

Unaided I took nothing last night

Learned my lesson

Mania still going strong

Calise still up there circling

My brain is tired

Body ok

I seem to be adjusting to this

My brain is not so much

Why couldn’t I have something fun

Synesthesia

Smelling colors would be fantastic

My High School friend said

It must be hard

Let’s see

Can’t work

Can’t concentrate

Can’t sleep

Constant forgetting

Constant spending

Neverending dread

The new normal

Hard isn’t the word

Mind boggling Sisyphus

Everyday an echo

Of the last

Promises made then broken

Sweet little lies

That covers cavernous craters

Where truth once laid

The justification ballet

Keeps me on my toes

I lied to you

My body feels the toll as well

This pound of flesh

My mind demands

I haven’t written for three days

My precious discipline gone

I doomscrolled and watched sitcoms

Not facing myself

My mirror

Saw the crew yesterday

Productive like I used to be

I miss that

A purpose for waking

I feel lost

Rudderless on this sea of uncertainty

Calise beacons me to climb on

One more time around the block

So far I have held strong

Only watching her in

The witching hour

Daylight brings relief

I dread the mail

I am expecting seven packages

Tomorrow

Seven sweet little lies

To hide

To return

To promise

Never again

God I am exhausted

Please don’t be my

New normal

Let me find me

In this Forrest of confusion

Just let me sleep